Damned Puberty!
by The Queen Of Mischief
Summary: If I tell you the story outline, it'll ruin the whole thing. Please just read the fic. All I can say is it is pure, sweet JxL fluff. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A rather silly (in my opinion) idea I had which I thought I might as well publish. Please R&R!!!**

**Chapter 1**

_(Lily is one of the Marauders in this fic. I know it doesn't match the book but, hey, It's called_ fan_fiction for a reason.)_

Lily came back after the summer vacation looking rather nervous. James and Remus constantly asked her what the problem was and why the heck she was wearing three think woolly sweaters and a large coat with her arms crossed across her chest like she was doing.

She remained mostly quiet during the train ride giving the occasional yes or no to the Marauders' questions.

"Lily, why don't you take off your sweater? 's." suggested Remus. "You look awfully hot."

"Well, I'm not! So leave me alone." Snapped Lily. This was not like her. Despite having a short temper, Lily almost never snapped. Especially at Remus.

Sirius was too preoccupied with sucking his girlfriend's face off to notice Lily's odd behaviour.

"Sirius," said James, disgustedly, "Get a room."

Sirius obliged and was snogging his girlfriend out of the room while chucking his glass of fire-whisky, which he had smuggled along, behind him.

Unfortunately, this glass, which was filled to the brim, fell on Lily's sweater.

"SIRIUS!!!"

He didn't hear as he was already outside the compartment.

Lily had no choice but to take off her sweater as the overpowering smell would alert one of the teachers and she would get into trouble.

She took off the sweaters and glanced at James and Remus, whose jaws had fell open.

"What're you looking at?" she snapped.

The stammered a bit, then gave up and continued ogling.

"Lily," said James finally, "you have…"

Sirius, who'd popped back in, said, "Oh my God Lily you have two tumors on your torso!" while pointing at them.

"They're not tumors, you dweeb. They're…they're…" she slapped her palm against her face in frustration.

"You know what? I think I'll go sit with Kiera." She stomped out of the compartment.

"She's hot." Said Sirius.

Lily was attracting a lot of unwanted attention from the boys as she stomped down the compartment.

She said to all of them, "You seem to like staring at boobs a lot. Why don't I give you all your own personal pair so you can stare at them all day?"

That certainly shut them up.

"Kiera!" she moaned when she got into the compartment where Kiera sat alone, contentedly reading a book.

Kiera didn't have many friends due to her hobby of reading and had grown accustomed to sitting alone.

This gave Lily the added advantage of privacy.

"Oh, hi Lils." She said while closing the book. When she looked up to face her, she said "Um, wow. You've grown. Uh, you look good."

Lily moaned again. "I know! Why me? WHY?"

"Aw, come on Lils, it's alright. It happens to all of us. You're now officially a _teen_. Be proud of it. But don't show it off too much cos that would be vulgar."

"But James and Remus and Sirius won't stop staring at them. Sirius called them _tumors!_"

"He's an asshole. Don't worry Lils. They'll grow used to it. You just have to act normal and no one will notice. If you try and hide them, people will bother you till you wish you were dead. If you care, people will care."

"Oh, but can I sit with you till we get there? Then I'll go into hiding."

"Of _course _you can sit with me! You don't even need to ask. You're going through puberty. You need all the friends you can get. C'mere hon."

She gave Lily a hug.

Soon, James and Remus came in sheepishly.

"Look, Lily, we're sorry. What we did was wrong."

"Guys, my face is up here."

They turned scarlet.

Sirius soon came in too, but he didn't look at all shy. "Can I touch them?" he asked stupidly.

James whacked him and Lily slapped him.

"He's just stupid. He doesn't mean that." Said Remus, quickly.

"I know."

When Sirius grinned flirtatiously, she knocked his brains out.

Kiera kept glaring at the boys as if to say "You rude assholes. Stop staring and make some conversation."

They obviously got the hint. "Sirius, why don't you tell us about how you met Cindy?"

Sirius excitedly said "Well, it was amazing! See, I was in this stripper club and all the girls had _hot _bodies and boobs _way _bigger than Lil--"

"AHEM." Said Remus loudly and he and James proceeded to go into fits of coughing.

"Oh, right."

"So, James, what'd you do in the hols?"

"I went to Singapore! It was awesome! Half those guys country is trees! It really is a garden city, like they call it!" he went off in a longwinded description about the four national languages and the food, which was oober spicy, and the tropical fruits, which came very cheap and how they hardly ever got berries.

Lily was soon distracted, but narrowed her eyes every time any of them shot a glance at her…erhms.

At Hogwarts, lots of other people ogled.

James noticed Lily's behaviour was changing. She was more cautious and quiet. She didn't participate in as many pranks as she used to and took pleasure in sitting alone and thinking.

He didn't know whether he liked this change or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was July. The year had flown. Finals were drawing nearer.

James had seen so much of the library, that if he never saw it again, it would be too soon.

And the weather sucked. It sucked bad. It rained and rained and rained and rained. And on the odd sunny day when the Quidditch loving maniacs and the altogether-too-pale book worms ventured outside to enjoy a little vitamin-D, the universe decided to conspire against them, and the heavens cracked open and a flood of biblical effect ensued.

People were bored. This was clearly and continuously announced in loud pathetic tones by Sirius.

"I'm BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UURRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD."

This was often responded to, by anyone in the near vicinity, by a brick, apparently sprouting wings and flying off in the general direction of Sirius.

The bricks conveniently lay around on one of the couches, having mysteriously appeared one night after Remus declared his brain-cells were dying of monotony.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sirius.

Lily fumbled out of her dorm, followed by annoyed room mates. She was wearing a shabby blue dressing gown. "Sirius. Shut the hell up. It's three in the morning. Why can't you just go and curl up somewhere -preferably in a drain next to the butchers' in France- and DIE?" she moaned.

Remus looked at her weirdly. He was on the couch, slowly but surely making his way through a mountain of chocolate.

"What?"

He looked behind her, and she followed his gaze, which landed on a heap of little girls, eagerly looking at both him, and Sirius.

"Scram." One word from Lily sent them scampering.

She sat down beside Remus' pile of chocolate. Remus was on the other side. He carefully cleared it away so he could talk to her.

"So."

"So."

There was a moment of silence.

"So, um, the weather's pretty bad." He said ad internally slapped himself. The _weather?_ What kind of dweeb was he?

"The _weather? _What kind of dweeb are you?" Lily demanded sarcastically. "I thought I taught you better…"

"Yeah, yeah." He said, grinning. "Well, thinking of things to talk about, I need to talk to you about something."

"Yeah?"

"Okay." Remus took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Are you hyperventilating?"

"No."

"You suck at lying."

He ignored her. "Okay, Lily as horrible as this seems, I want you to know, I think of you as a sister, and hope you think of me similarly."

"You mean, as a sister?"

"No, stop being stupid. I mean as a brother. And as a brother, I have nothing but your best intentions at heart."

"Yeah. I do. Now, if you don't mind, are you going somewhere with this?"

"Okay, say someone I know is interested in you."

"Err. Huh?"

"_Interested, _as in, _romantically._"

"Ooookay…"

"What would you say?"

"…"

"What would you say?" he persisted.

"I'd tell the bugger to naff off."

"Let's say you _know _this someone." He prompted.

"I'd slap the bugger and tell him to get rude."

"Um, okay."

"So, who is this some one?"

"Uhhhh, no one! No one at all! I was just speaking hypothetically."

"Let's continue this _hypothetical _conversation. Is this _hypothetical _person in Gryffindor? Hypothetically?"

"Uh, hypothetically? Yeah. But hypothetically."

"Okay. Do I like this hypothetical someone as a hypothetical friend?"

Since Lily had quite a few friends, Remus knew it was safe to answer.

"Yeah. Hypothetically."

"Okay. Is this hypothetical someone not a boy?"

That was the most dangerous question. Lily only had three friends who were boys.

"Um, ah, hey! Look! It's a UFO!!!!" he cried excitedly, pointing behind Lily. Unfortunately, Lily was leaning against a wall, so she just raised her eyebrow.

"Remus." She said sternly.

"I may or may not know if this hypothetical person we are speaking of is not not not or is not not not not not a guy or girl." He said, except with many more not's before dashing off.

Lily stared at him.

Sirius stood there, looking confused.

After about half an hour, he cried excitedly "I just figured out what Remus meant!"

Lily wasn't there.

Remus didn't speak to Lily again until dinner.

"So, are you going to tell me who my hypothetical admirer is yet?"

James, who had overheard, glared at Remus in astonishment and anger.

An expression that made him look very cute, Lily noticed. Then she realized what she'd just thought. And then began to wonder why James would glare at Remus like that unless…unless it was him who liked her.

But why would James like her?

She had always just been plain Lily.

Nothing special.

Not terribly pretty.

Not the ideal girlfriend type.

Why would he like her?

No, he couldn't possibly.

It must be someone he knows, she concluded. Some pretty posh girl.

The thought, instead of comforting her, only saddened her. For some odd reason.

She couldn't sleep that night.

She needed to know who liked her. Who would like the skinny redhead? That bugger must be daft, she thought.

That, instead of reassuring her, only upset her.

James, on the other hand, could've given a million reasons why he had fancied Lily Marie Evans for so long in a minute.

He had liked her since third year! For two whole years he had fancied her.

It was strange.

He'd just started seeing her as more than a friend.

Very strange.

'**Ello, mates! Hope ye liked it! Ye'd better review 'r ye'll all be sent down to Davvie Jones' locker! Savvie?**

**This shall forever be known as the day that you **_**almost **_**did not review to Captain…oh, shite. The QUEEN o' Mischief! Aye! That's me name! Ha ha! CURSES! The rum's gone! Why's the rum **_**always **_**gone? (stands up and staggers a lot) Oh, that's why.**

**Ye all h'd better review or ye'll have to walk the plank! Savvie! And I will commandeer this ship by me onsies! AYE!**

**Okay, that was a load of crap. Sorry, I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean. ;)**

**Love ya!**

**The Queen of Mischief**

**PS. Certain (L.M: ahem. The first half, if you please) parts of this tale be told by the one and only Lady Merlin! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Oi Moony."

"Yes Prongs?"

"I need your 'elp."

"Are you drunk Prongs?"

"Nooo. Why would ya say that? Ol' buddy, ol' pal?"

"Uh, judging by the foul odor coming from your side of the common room and the piles of bottles lying all around you?"

"Well, you're right. I'm drunk, all right." He said, automatically feeling self conscious, brushing his teeth and chucking the bottles out the window.

"OW!" screamed somebody from downstairs.

"Ooopsies." Slurred James, ginning and hiccupped before passing out.

Remus said "Oh dear God, not James too." He opened a cupboard and there lay an unconscious Sirius and Peter.

Since James was his best buddie in a non-gay way, he decided to have mercy and not kick him surreptitiously into the cupboard too.

He pulled James up and half carried-half dragged James into his room.

Sirius woke up, popped his head out and started um a single person gibberish conversation. Remus picked up a stray bottle that had missed James' eye and aimed it squarely at Sirius' head before firing.

"Ouchies. You hurted me Remy, buddy. Tomorrow you'll see a body that's bleeded to death." Whined Sirius before passing out again.

When James woke up, the first thing he said was "I'm gonna kill that good for nothing Black and he will PAY. Stupid idiot trying to get me drunk…." He muttered something that sounded less-than-pleasant.

"Oh, hiya Lillers. 'Sup?"

"Nothing, really. Why'd Black spike your drink?"

"Oh, um, er, eh, ur, uh, no reason. Did Sirius ever have a reason for doing anything."

Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously and said "No, he doesn't." but she was secretly wondering why he had taken so long to respond.

He sat up and clutched his head. "Holy mother of God, how much alcohol did he make me drink?"

Lily stifled a giggle. He looked so adorable when he was mad! Oookay, she had officially lost it.

He stood up before stumbling and falling on his rump. She couldn't help but think, as she helped him up, that he looked even more cute when he had fallen over like that.

She shook her head as if to shake off any thoughts of James.

Lily was moping about in her room, wondering why she felt this way about a certain James.

It was strange.

There was a knock at her door.

She opened it to see James standing there looking even hotter than Kyle from the Click Five. Who, for all you cave dwellers out there, is a super hot, super talented lead singer.

"Oh, um, hi Lillers."

"Hi James. Do you wanna…come in?"

"No, it's cool. I'm late for class as it is. No worries though. I'm pretty sure that Professor Sprout is head-over-heels in love with me and wouldn't mind if I threw a mandrake at her face."

Lily mock-scowled. "The rest of us have to work for that, you know."

He grinned and said, while running a hand through his hair like a supermodel, "I know. It helps if you're the sexiest kid in school."

She rolled her eyes and he continued "Anyhoo, I was wondering…" it was like the Niagara Falls of confidence that was previously rushing out from every pore had dried up. "If, you would like to um, ah, uh," he ran his hand through his hair again, but nervously this time, rather than arrogantly. "Lily," he tried again. "Lily, wouldyougouutwithmetoHogsmadethisweekend,pleeeeeeeeease?"

"I didn't catch that, James."

"I said, wouldyougouutwithmetoHogsmadethisweekend?"

Lily started to blush. She had understood what he'd said this time.

"Ummmm, sure James." Her friend's advice to play hard-to-get had long been forgotten.

He grinned widely. "Great, um, I'll pick you up on Sunday, kay?"

"Yep. See ya then!"

AAAAAAGH! James Potter had asked her out!!!

The blush on her cheeks didn't go till hours later.


End file.
